Asking Eric: My friend is avoiding a potentially life-saving MRI (2025)

Dear Eric: I have a friend who I’ve known since childhood. Our relationship has always been platonic. Through the years, we have gone our separate ways but always stayed in touch. I was living in another state when he had and beat cancer.

I’ve been back in my hometown for a few years now and have spent quite a lot of time with him doing things friends do. He has had some intermittent blindness, and his sight is back to normal after a few hours.

I’ve asked him what his doctor has said about it, and his response is “they want me to do an MRI and I’m claustrophobic and not doing that.”

Eric, how do I respect that decision when it could be a life-threatening issue? He and I have talked about it, but it always ends by changing the subject. I know there’s nothing I can do. Your thoughts, please?

—Caring Friend

Dear Friend: Respect has multiple definitions. You can respect his decision by acknowledging it and abiding by it without necessarily agreeing with it or thinking highly of it. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you may already be taking the best approach in this difficult situation.

When a mentally competent adult refuses medical care, sometimes the only option is to listen and validate their feelings. Intermittent blindness is indeed alarming and could indicate serious conditions. His previous cancer experience may have left him traumatized, fearful or simply exhausted by treatments.

Communication is key to understanding what’s really happening—whether it’s medical anxiety, hopelessness or a deeper mental health issue that might require intervention. If you haven’t already, consider asking about options like open MRIs or CT scans instead of traditional MRIs. Through conversation, you can explore alternatives and better understand his needs in hopes of offering different kinds of support. Does he want or need someone to come to the doctor with him, for instance?

While armchair diagnoses won’t be helpful for either of you, asking thoughtful questions about his current medical care, comfort level with his doctors and the information he’s received might reveal new perspectives or options he hasn’t considered.

As you work to support him, please remember to care for yourself. This situation is undoubtedly frightening and stressful for you as well. Make time to process your own emotions by reaching out to someone you trust.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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